Who are the Eagles Being for Halloween?
The Halloween Episode of Burds of a Feather!
The 2025 Philadelphia Eagles are a Halloween-ass team. Sometimes in a spooky, scary way, but usually in a Jekyll and Hyde sort of way. At their best, this team is Michael Myers in Halloween. A dominating force that never dies. A slow, methodical terror that wreaks havoc at its own pace through sheer will and brute force. They’ve come back from the dead more than once this season. At their worst, they are more like Mike Myers in The Love Guru, which is not a horror movie but is definitely a horrible one. They’ve suffered from long stretches of ineptitude, where their offense commits to being bad despite their level of talent. It’s like when your friend dresses up as Borat for a Halloween party and won’t stop saying “my wife” all night.
But for the past two weeks, we’ve seen Michael than Mike. More Jekyll than Hyde (wait, which one is the good one again?) With two complete games against the Vikings and Giants, the Eagles are playing with the inevitability of Nosferatu, striking fear into the rest of the league.
So in honor of this Halloween-ass team, we’re going to have a Halloween-ass episode! It’s like when your favorite 90s sitcom had a Halloween episode. It doesn’t really advance the plot, but at least you got to see Carlton dress up as Macaulay Culkin from Home Alone.
We’re going to play a game of Trick-or-Treat and look at whether some plotlines and recent team performances are for real or not. Then we’re guessing what some of our favorite players and coaches are dressing up as for Halloween. And finally, if the NFC East were a neighborhood, what would each team be giving out when you knock on their door?
TRICK OR TREAT
Which of these plotlines is a TRICK, untrue, unsustainable, and pulling the wool over our eyes, and which are a TREAT, the real deal and sustainable. As Wreckx-N-Effect astutely proclaims in the song Rump Shaker, “I ain’t into trickin’, just to treatin’, and I ain’t into treatin’ every trick that I’m meetin’” (this has nothing to do with anything).
The Rise of Jalyx Hunt
Big Pimpin’ has really come on lately. After contributing to the demolition of Carson Wentz by recording a pick-6 against the Vikings, Hunt followed up with his best game of the season against the Giants. He recorded his first sack of the year, along with 9 pressures on Jaxson Dart. According to Devin Jackson from the Philadelphia Inquirer, Hunt also limited the Giants to 3.8 yards per carry when they ran towards him. But a lot of Hunt’s improvement exists outside the stat sheet. When you watch him, he’s simply everywhere. Like Freddie Kruger or those Top Dog Law billboards around Philly. Is it for real?
VERDICT: TREAT
Jalyx is finally playing with confidence that matches his raw athletic ability. Still only 24, his potential is through the roof. You see it in the way Vic Fangio deploys him in the defense. Hunt has had reps in coverage against opposing tight ends aside from a pure pass rusher and run defender. Big Pimpin’ is the real deal, and he looks completely comfortable doing what’s asked of him in Fangio’s defense. It’s only up for Big Pimpin’ from here.
Cooper DeJean Outside Cornerback
Yesterday, the Eagles traded wide receiver John Metchie III (Metchie we hardly knew yee) and a 2027 6th-round pick to the Jets for Michael Carter II and a 2027 7th-round pick. Carter was a once-promising slot corner for the Jets whose career got off track due to injuries. That being said, he is a player with a lot of potential in the slot. This perpetuates a notion that several Eagles fans and members of the media have discussed. With the Eagles’ continued difficulties at the outside cornerback position, with the inconsistency of the Terrible Two (Kelee Ringo and Adoree Jackson), does it make sense to move Cooper DeJean outside? Cooper is a dynamic chess piece whose talent would allow him to thrive in coverage opposite Quinyon Mitchel. Does using Cooper to patch up a hole in your defense make sense, especially with the acquisition of Michael Carter II?
VERDICT: TRICK
Cooper DeJean is the best slot cornerback in the league. In the modern NFL, a do-it-all slot corner is immensely rare and valuable. I remember when Brandon Staley deployed Jalen Ramsey (who had mostly been an outside corner) in the slot in 2020. The move immediately unlocked Ramsey’s full potential. In the slot, Cooper can play closer to the line of scrimmage to work into run fits, cover a variety of positions, and get involved in the middle of the field. He can consistently impact both the opposing passing game and the running game. He can be everywhere and anywhere. Moving him to outside cornerback may fix one problem while creating another. Just listen to what Fangio said about moving Cooper:
“We considered it,” Fangio said Tuesday. “But when you have one of the better players at a certain position, and it’s an important position where you get involved more, you hate to take a really good player at one position to maybe not be as good of a player or impactful of a player at another position. But it’s definitely something that we’ve talked about.”
The Eagles will work Cooper outside in base defenses (two cornerbacks on the field). But in nickel (three cornerbacks), Cooper is the man in the slot. I think they keep him there.
Kevin Patullo Has Found His Bag
After being terrorized by a man with a hook in a fisherman’s slicker, Julie James (played by Jennifer Love Hewitt) and her friends meet up when Julie discovers a dead body covered in live crabs in the trunk of her car. Frustrated with the killer’s games, Julie yells into the sky “What are you waiting for!?”
This is what it’s felt like to watch Kevin Patullo call plays this year. But, in the last two games, Kevy with the Playsheet is hitting his stride. In the past two weeks, the Eagles’ offense ranks #2 in EPA/Play. Jalen Hurts has thrown at least 3 touchdowns in the past two games and has had close to perfect (if not perfect) passer ratings. Thus far, they’ve had a tough slate of opponents who are currently 24-21-1. The running game looks back on track, and the Birds’ superstar ide receivers are activated. So is Patullo for real? Or did Howie Roseman commission a coven of Etsy witches to Freak Friday Kevin O’Connell and Kevin Patullo?
VERDICT: TREAT
After weeks of wandering in the playcalling desert, Patullo is starting to find an identity that works. The Eagles have incorporated more under-center runs and play action to use the threat of the rushing attack to open up the passing game. They’ve played around with jet sweeps and running back screens to get easy touches for their playmakers. The offensive line looks healthy and is creating lanes for Barkley. Most importantly, Patullo seems like he’s starting to get a feel for the cadence of the game. The Eagles have a tough schedule coming out of the bye with three opponents with a combined record of 13-7-1, so Patullo will be tested. But he’s shown an ability to consistently improve schematically while trying new things and learning from his mistakes. Kevin Patullo, I never doubted you (except in this article, this article, this article, and like 3 other ones).
The Shayshawn Redemption
Saquon has gone full Andy Dufrane. Emerging from the mud to break free. You can never keep a Hall-of-Fame running back down for long. Last week, Barkley had his best game of the season, going for 14 carries for 150 yards and 2 touchdowns (1 rushing, 1 receiving). He had explosive runs, including a 65-yarder for a touchdown on the first drive of the game. Barkley averaged 10.7 yards per carry in last week’s Giants win after averaging 3.4 yards per carry in the 7 weeks prior. The offensive line blocked their asses off, giving Saquon an insane average of 9.0 yards before contact (he had 1.97 yards before contact in the first 7 weeks). Is Barkley back?
VERDICT: TREAT
Patullo and the offense have found something that works. After the bye, the team should have a fully healthy offensive line with the return of Cam Jurgens. And though the Giants are a terrible run defense, this game was a confidence builder that the Eagles desperately needed. The running game now has a blueprint to build on. And with the inclusion of Barkley in the passing game and screen game, the Eagles seem committed to exploring creative ways to get their all-world running back involved.
This Pass Rush is On Fire (sang in Alicia Keys voice)
The win against the Giants was a feel-good game for everyone. Even the Eagles’ pass rush got in on the action with 5 sacks on CW-star and “x” instead of “ck” advocate Jaxson Dart. That was by far the best game for an Eagles pass rush that’s been anemic to say the least. They’re lack of depth at edge after Za’Darius Smith’s retirement has left the pass rush unit ineffective. But it seems like they’re starting to turn the corner. Is it for real?
VERDICT: TRICK
I need to see a little more from a defensive line that ranks 18th in pass rush win rate. Jalen Carter and Moro Ojomo both rank in the top 10 for defensive tackles at pass rush win rate, but it’s not the best sign when your best pass rushers are interior linemen. The return of Nolan Smith should help give us some juice, and we’ll see how much Brandon Graham has left in the tank (although I think he’ll be a great locker room presence to help develop the young guys). Hopefully, some reinforcements can unlock a player like Josh Uche, who’s had high pressure rates but low sack totals. The Birds are going up against Green Bay, Detroit, and Dallas after the bye, who rank 5th, 11th, and 3rd in QB Sacks Allowed, respectively.
Better Off Without Brown
The Eagles put up their best offensive performance of the season without one of their best players. On top of that, there’s been a narrative floating around NFL media about how A.J. Brown’s frustrations could lead to him being traded out of Philly. Brown is one of the most talented receivers in the league, but cryptic tweets and controversial quotes to the media have rocked the boat. If the offense is this effective without A.J., do the Eagles need him?
VERDICT: TRICK
Let me stop uh me..right there. The Eagles are a better team with A.J. Brown on it. He’s popular in the locker room, with the coaching staff, and with the fans. The Eagles view him as a leader on this team. Yes, the offense had an incredible bounce-back game against the Giants, but that was also against a secondary that went into the game down a starting corner and a starting safety before losing another starting corner. This is a talented offense without Brown, but a championship-caliber offense with him (see: when Brown broke the record for most consecutive 125-yard games in 2022). The Eagles are 3-3 without A.J. Brown all-time. In those wins, they’ve won by an average of 9.3 points. In those losses, they’ve lost by an average of 13.6 points. Our boy A.J. isn’t going anywhere, and I’m glad he’s not.
WHAT ARE THE EAGLES BEING FOR HALLOWEEN?
Our insider sources have revealed what these Eagles figures are dressing up as for Halloween.
Dallas Goedert: Prime Travis Kelce
Goedert is having an insane season so far. He’s tied for the most touchdown catches in the league. He’s looking like a pre-Swift Kelce right now and is in line for bookoo bucks this offseason.
Tank Bigsby: A Literal Tank
Bigsby’s coming-out party against New York was a big one. He had averaged an insane 7.3 yards per carry AFTER contact. Love it when a man plays like his name.
Nick Sirianni: My South Philly Neighbor
This isn’t rooted in football. Sirianni just looks like someone who would live on my block. Which is maybe why he’s perfect for Philly? He looks like he hoses down his sidewalk in Adidas slides and socks. He looks like he sits in front of his house in a patio chair and drinks a Coors. He looks like he’d sport a mean Delco accent and be first in line at John’s Roast Pork. He looks like he’d wave you down in the Ikea parking lot to let you know he can get the dent out of your car for you.
Vic Fangio: The Old Man from Up
Stop me if you’ve heard this before. Old man bonds with the youth to soar to new heights. Is it the plot of Up or Vic Fangio’s defense with Cooper DeJean and Quinyon Mitchell?
Jalen Carter: The Spitting Dinosaur from Jurassic Park
This will not be the last joke I make about Jalen Carter spitting on Dak Prescott.
Brandon Graham: Wizards Michael Jordan
Michael Jordan was 38 when he unretired to play for the Washington Wizards. He averaged 22.9 points and 5.2 assists. Brandon Graham is unretiring at 37 to come back and play for the Birds. I believe BG has a little left in the tank. Even if he can give us ‘01 Jordan numbers that could help.
Quinyon Mitchell: Tupac from Juice
I maintain my statement that Quinyon Mitchell plays cornerback with the energy of Tupac’s character from Juice. He plays with a level of unhingedness required by the best cornerbacks in the league. He’s lowkey crazy, and I love it.
NFC EAST TRICK OR TREAT
We dare to ask the question, if the NFC East were a neighborhood, what would each team give out at their house?
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: Cheesesteaks and Pizza hand-delivered by Big Dom. Shout out to Big Dom for treating injured Giants back Cam Skattebo to Philly’s finest pizza and cheesesteaks from Angelo’s while he was in the hospital.
WASHINGTON COMMANDERS: Band-aids. The Commanders have dealt with some key injuries this season, most notably to running back Austin Ekeler, who was lost for the season in week 1, wide receiver Terry McLaurin, who just returned to action, and quarterback Jayden Daniels, who’s dealing with a hamstring injury.
DALLAS COWBOYS: Please Take One Bowl of Yardage. Remember those houses that leave out a bowl of candy and ask you to just take one. There’s no honor code in trick-or-treating. It’s a dog-eat-dog world. You’re asking me, dressed as a Teletubby, to take a single mini-Three Musketeers? Anyway, the Cowboys’ Defense is kind of like that. They’re giving up the second-most passing yards per game and the fourth-most rushing yards per game, not to mention the second-most touchdowns.
NEW YORK GIANTS: Miller Lite. I repeat, the Giants are a team of frat boys. They speak to each other in Superbad quotes. They’re glassware cabinet is filled with red solo cups. They sleep on floor mattresses and never met a beer bong they didn’t love.