My least favorite horror movie is the Philadelphia Eagles season. Every game is a jump scare. Every offensive snap is a slog. Misfortune hunts this team like Michael Myers stalks his victims, wielding the injury bug, untimely retirements, and a nearly unwatchable offense to rip this team back into mediocrity. If you want to win the “Scariest Costume” competition at your buddy’s Halloween party, dress up as Nick Sirianni giving postgame comments.
On a cool October afternoon in South Philly, the papier-mâché Eagles fell apart once again, this time against the red-hot Carolina Panthers. The Panthers were well-rested and coming off their bye week, while the Eagles were coming off another week from hell after the news that quarterback Jalen Hurts would be out for the foreseeable future with a blood clot in his leg. Hurts’ situation is scary. Blood clots are no joke. Health is bigger than football. But thankfully he should make a full recovery. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like the Eagles will.
Without QB1, the Eagles turned to one-time wonder boy Tanner McKee (AKA the Stanford Slingshot) to spin the rock. McKee was a once-promising quarterback prospect in Philly before he had the worst preseason of his career this past summer because there’s nothing Nick Sirianni and Sean Mannion can’t ruin. Thankfully for the Eagles, DeVonta Smith made his triumphant return to the shitshow. But even Smith’s return couldn’t reanimate the failing heart of this offense.
If you think Friday the 13th is scary, try watching Sean Mannion call plays. This offense is nightmare fuel. An incoherent smattering of ideas, none of which results in much success moving the ball towards the end zone. They play with an extreme lack of confidence and discipline.
Watching this team is like eating an Oreo, where one side is a delicious chocolate cookie (the defense), and the other side is sardines (the offense). They are like a run-down house that weirdly has a finished basement. When the offense does something well, it’s almost like it happened by mistake. Like they slipped on a banana peel and landed in a Scrooge McDuck-style pool of gold coins.
On the first play of the game, McKee was sacked for an 11-yard loss. If you took mercy on yourself and turned off the game at that point, you’d have a pretty accurate sense of how the Eagles offense played for the rest of the game. They couldn’t get anything going. The play-calling gave McKee route combinations that took too much time to develop.
The Panthers blitzed the Birds relentlessly, and Philadelphia had no answers. Like a bully grabbing your hand to make you punch yourself in the face while telling you to “stop hitting yourself.” McKee was constantly under duress as the offensive line couldn’t block a brisk wind. And the Eagles couldn’t run the ball with *checks notes* Dameon Pierce running 12 times for only 35 yards as pretty much the only running back to play meaningful minutes in this game.
Philadelphia’s defense was mostly excellent. After allowing a field goal on Carolina’s first drive, Vic Fangio uncharacteristically sent extra rushers at Panthers quarterback Bryce Young to make him uncomfortable. Jalen Carter and Zack Baun continued their monster seasons by at times single-handedly stopping Carolina’s attack. Still, Carolina scored in the second quarter, after Young found Panthers tight end Tommy Tremble for a touchdown to bring the Panthers up 10-0.
Philadelphia’s offense didn’t gain any real momentum until the end of the second quarter when McKee found success hitting Dallas Goedert and DeVonta Smith. After a pass interference penalty carried them to the goal line, the Birds scored on a Dameon Pierce run to make it 10-7.
Despite having the most first-half penalty yards in team history, the Panthers maintained all of the positive momentum, hitting a 52-yard field goal on their first drive of the second half. Two possessions later, Bryce Young evaded pressure and found receiver Jalen Coker for 32 yards before Carolina scored on a Chuba Hubbard run and missing a two-point conversion attempt to make it 19-7.
But the worst part about this Eagles team is that they love giving you a little hope after they drag you through the mud. On the next drive, McKee marched the Eagles down the field before scoring on a beautiful 19-yard touchdown to DeVonta Smith to tighten Carolina’s lead to 19-14.
The Eagles defense forced Carolina to go 3-and-out to give Tanner McKee and the offense a chance to score. And with all of that momentum, the Eagles offense threw up on themselves. Center Jake Majors (a man whose name I still can’t believe isn’t AI-generated) delivered a low snap that went through Tanner McKee’s legs to lose 11 yards. The Eagles went 3-and-out, Carolina blocked Braden Mann’s kick, and Bryce Young tossed tight end Tommy Tremble for his second touchdown catch of the game to go up 25-14 and end the game.
The Panthers held the Eagles to 222 total yards, by far their best defensive performance of the season (their second best was holding the Atlanta Falcons, who started 3rd-string QB Cooper Rush, to 340 yards). The Eagles have lost 4 in a row for the first time in the Sirianni era.
This offense is a train wreck. They lack any positive developments. We can use injuries as an excuse, but even with a healthy roster, this Eagles coaching staff is devoid of answers. At first, it looked like Vic Fangio and his defense said, “fuck it, we’ll do it ourselves,” as they shut down Carolina’s offense for long stretches. But dams eventually break.
The Philadelphia Eagles are headed for a lost season. What’s worse is that they are barely watchable, like a Two and a Half Men marathon. The excuses are many, but at the end of the day, coaches are supposed to be problem solvers. Nick Sirianni has a real opportunity to prove all of his doubters wrong by fixing this offense and getting this team back on track. But it’s something he seems unable to do. The same way I can’t play in the NBA or my cat can’t fly. He simply is not built for it.
It feels like we’ve hit the edge of how far this Sirianni thing can go. It’s one thing to have a CEO-style coach who’s a noted problem solver. But Sirianni has never really been that in his career. He’s too slow to change and adapt. He doesn’t have the offensive ingenuity to fix what is so fundamentally broken. We’re at the point where it’s hard to see what he adds and easier to see how he’s holding this team back.
It’s October, the undisputed best month of the year. Enjoy time with your family. Make your kids’ Halloween costumes. Go see some fall foliage with your friends. Hit up a beer garden. Make the most of your Sundays away from the TV. This Eagles team is no longer worth your time.
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DeVonta Smith: DeVonta Smith is like a Ferrari parked in a lake. He is the rose that grew from concrete. His return gave a shot of life to this pulseless offense. This was supposed to be the season Smith elevated into superstardom. Instead, he’s stuck in this dumpster of an offense. Despite that, he still manages to make a few breathtaking catches per game, like his 19-yard touchdown. Save DeVonta.
Still Being in the NFC East Race: The NFC East is worse than your neighbor who hands out fresh fruit for Halloween. And because they’re so bad, the Eagles are weirdly still in it, with the Cowboys and Giants both losing today and the Commanders scheduled to lose tomorrow against the NFC juggernaut 49ers.
Arnold Ebiketie: After Nolan Smith left the game with a concussion in the second quarter and with Jonathan Greenard on a pitch count, the Eagles were so paper-thin at edge rusher that 7th-round pick Keyshawn James-Newby got significant run. Still, the Eagles’ defense played well, and a lot of that was due to how edge rusher Arnold Ebiketie stepped up. Ebiketie signed with the Eagles on a 1-year deal after spending 2025 with Atlanta, where he ranked 10th in the league in pressure rate. It felt like Ebiketie was everywhere, leading the team in tackles and always being in the right place at the right time.
Jalen Carter/Zack Baun: Watching these two play is an honor. At one point, Jalen Carter batted down a key third-down pass from Bryce Young despite being double-teamed. Zack Baun tipped a pass of his own and got relentless pressure on Young as a blitzer. What a season for two of the best players on the Eagles.
Carolina Panthers/Andrew Stein
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The Eagles Running back Room: The Eagles running back depth is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen. It’s more depressing than that commercial with the sad animals that plays that Sarah McLachlan song playing in the background. After practice squad running back Carson Steele got injured in the first quarter, the Eagles were left with Dameon Pierce to take literally all of the offensive snaps. Pierce, someone who was once kind of good, is no longer good. He catches the ball like a stucco wall. After him on the depth chart is recently signed running back Jaydon Blue, who burned out with the Cowboys. The Eagles are down to their practice squad running back and a dude they just signed off the street. Not great!
Shawn Syed@SyedSchemesThe Eagles offense did not manage a rush of 10+ yards against the Panthers in Week 6. That is their 3rd time doing that this season Philadelphia is just the 4th team to have 3+ of their first 6 games go without a 10+ yard rush since 2016, per @SumerSports8:39 PM · Oct 18, 2026 · 14.6K Views1 Reply · 25 Reposts · 120 LikesThe Light in Tanner McKee’s Eyes: The Eagles managed to break Jalen Hurts and Tanner McKee in two seasons. I once argued that McKee was the greatest Eagles preseason quarterback of all time. A dude with immense potential who could be a significant trade chip in the future. But McKee looks shell-shocked and unsure of himself. The recipe for success in the past with Tanner McKee was lining him up in shotgun and using an RPO-based game to allow him to make quick decisions to get the ball out of his hands and into the hands of the Eagles’ playmakers. The Birds decided not to really start doing that until the end of the game. He’s gone from one of the better backups in the league to nearly unplayable.
Zach Berman@ZBermThe Eagles were far more effective operating from shotgun (an EPA/play of -0.1) than under center (an EPA/play of -0.57) vs. Panthers. The Eagles rank No. 31 in the NFL in EPA/play when under center and No. 32 in under-center play-action; they rank No. 24 in shotgun . The…1:18 AM · Oct 19, 2026 · 42.6K Views8 Replies · 5 Reposts · 53 LikesYoung Offensive Line: McKee was sacked three times, and the Birds ran the ball for 35 yards on 13 attempts. On a key play late in the game, center Jake Majors snapped a ball through Tanner McKee’s legs. This offensive line is the worst it’s been in a long time.
Screen Plays: They never work. Please stop doing them.
Hot Takes
Maybe It Was a Bad Idea to Overhaul the Offensive System? In hindsight, maybe completely overhauling the offensive system for a team a season removed from winning the Super Bowl with a first-time play-caller isn’t the best idea. It’s hard to name any contenders who’ve embarked on as dramatic a change as the Eagles have. Maybe you just needed an experienced coordinator to strengthen the system you already had (see: Kellen Moore or Shane Steichen). Maybe having your starting quarterback, who already had 5 offensive play-callers in his professional career, learn an entirely new system in one offseason is a little crazy. It’s a misstep by Howie Roseman and Nick Sirianni to implement an entirely new system in a pivotal season that requires a huge learning curve for all players involved. Now we’re in a place where the offense is struggling, and Mannion doesn’t have the answers because he’s never done this before, and Sirianni doesn’t have the answers because he’s not equipped to find them. This offensive coaching staff has no experienced coaches to call on other than a passing game coordinator who was fired by Tampa Bay last year.
Philadelphia Inquirer/David Maialetti
Things Only I Care About
Ross Tucker Commentating Games: Listening to color commentator Ross Tucker commentate a game is like listening to a 4-year-old tell you about their day. They may say funny things every once in a while, but you’re mostly just trying to understand what they’re even talking about. Tucker had some weird moments, like when he talked about being bummed that his daughters play volleyball or how Eagles return man Britain Covey would rank #1 in the normal guy rankings. When he talked about football, it felt kind of incoherent, but overall he’s a weirdly funny dude. Would I drink beers and watch reruns of Jackass with him? Yes. Would I willingly listen to him commentate another game? No.
Carson Steele is a Character from Waterboy: I’m convinced Steele is a secret South Central Louisiana State Muddog. He looks like if Indiana were a person. He has a pet alligator (which is the only thing people commentating really know about him) and he runs like he’s trying to hit as many people as possible. If they make a Waterboy remake, he’s an easy cast.
