Things are getting dark. The roof has caved in. The foundation has given way. The house that Sirianni built has fallen. It’s like one of those horror movies where a mysterious force terrorizes a group of people and tears down everything around them until there’s nothing left. It’s a curse. A plague. A dark cloud that can’t easily be pushed aside. The kind of unbeatable friction that makes you question the supernatural. The kind that pushes back harder the more you try to fight it. That is Philadelphia Eagles football.

On a night when Jeffrey Lurie threw a party for himself, the Dallas Cowboys came into the Eagles’ house, broke all of their nice furniture, and gave them a noogie on their way out the door. The 38-21 loss devolved from weirdly competitive to a grown man hitting one of those punching bag machines at your local arcade. It’s one thing to get embarrassed in front of a national audience. It’s another thing to get embarrassed by our rival Dallas Cowboys. No matter how bad the season gets, it’s unacceptable to be laughed at by Jerry Jones, Michael Irvin, and…wait, is that Stephen A. Smith?

As I’ve detailed in weeks past, trying to figure out what’s wrong with Philadelphia is like trying to piece together a thousand tiny shards of a broken mirror. When you look for the culprit, you realize that everything is the smoking gun. That whatever curse the Etsy witch Kevin Patullo hired placed on this team has seeped into every aspect.

For a while, it felt like the brunt of the Eagles’ woes centered on a deteriorating offense run by a first-year coordinator with a list of injuries longer than the menu at the Cheesecake Factory. But even when the offense was playing like a dumpster on fire, we knew we at least had a relatively healthy defense that returned 8 of 11 starters from last season, coordinated by a seasoned defensive mind who no longer had Phillies baseball to distract him. It seems that we couldn’t have been more wrong. Here are some unfortunate facts:

The Eagles defense allowed over 200 rushing yards against Dallas for just the third time since 2018. According to PhillyVoice’s Jimmy Kempski, the Cowboys averaged 76 yards rushing leading up to this game.
Cowboys running back Javonte Williams ran for a career-high 155 yards, despite failing to eclipse 100 yards in any other game this season. It is the most yards the Eagles have given up to a running back in the Vic Fangio era.
Against the struggling Cowboys offense, the Eagles defense had zero sacks, zero tackles for loss, zero turnovers, and zero QB hits.
According to The Ringer’s Sheil Kapadia, the Eagles delivered the eighth-worst defensive performance of any game this season by EPA/Drive.
According to The Athletic’s Brooks Kubena, this is the most points the Eagles have allowed in the Vic Fangio era.

In this cursed season, Vic Fangio’s defense has struggled because nothing good has happened for the Eagles in 2026. After allowing 189.8 passing yards and 124.4 rushing yards in 2025, the Eagles' defense has regressed, allowing 239.9 passing yards and 131.4 rushing yards in 2026.

Cooper DeJean is worse and seemingly had his otherworldly coverage ability space-jammed. Second-year safety Andrew Mukuba is an undersized coverage liability who lives on the wrong side of a big play. Second-year linebacker Jihaad Campbell has failed to rediscover the potential he flashed in his rookie year as Nakobe Dean’s absence rings louder than the Liberty Bell. Riq Woolen was targeted relentlessly by Dallas in this game and gave up a cosmic gumbo of big plays and penalties. And despite spending $328 million on Jalen Carter, Jordan Davis, and newly acquired Jonathan Greenard this offseason, the Eagles defensive line generated zero sacks, zero tackles for loss, and only 4 pressures on Dak Prescott. If your name isn’t Zack Baun or Quinyon Mitchell, you are not playing well.

The Birds are a gross combination of an unhealthy, poorly run offense and a mostly healthy, poorly executed defense. Dallas’ offense had whatever it wanted in this game. The Cowboys offensive line bullied this Eagles defense on the way to Javonte Williams’ career day. Dak Prescott ripped 3 touchdown passes with beautiful ball placement where his receivers made difficult catches in the end zone.

What’s worse is that before halftime, we saw an improved offensive game plan from Sean Mannion. The Eagles relied on the running game, with a heavy dose of Saquon Barkley and Dameon Pierce, and gave Tanner McKee quick answers to get the ball out of his hands in rhythm. They managed to score on their opening drive for the first time all season thanks to Saquon Barkley’s first rushing touchdown of 2026. But after the halftime announcement that Jay-Z would be performing at the Super Bowl, the offense reminded us that they have 99 problems while jumping fresh out the frying pan into the fire.

In the first possession of the third quarter, McKee flashed a little potential, leading an 84-yard, 17-play drive that ended in Makai Lemon’s first career touchdown. It was a bright spot in a dark night. McKee went 4 for 5 on third-down conversions on that drive and converted a fourth down with a 15-yard pass to Lemon. Unfortunately, ol’ Tanner flew too close to the sun and melted his wings as the Eagles wouldn’t score for the rest of the night, ending the game with a 3-and-out, an interception, and a turnover on downs.

This is a bad team. I mean, like old milk in the fridge, bad. Possibly one of the worst teams in the league. The Eagles have lost 5 straight for the first time in 5 years. Their next two games are against NFC East opponents, and we are two weeks from the trade deadline. The Birds are a team with more questions than answers. It feels like we’re on the precipice of an ending and a new beginning. The defense lacked fight in a game they had to win, and the offense is devoid of health and talent. The only answer out of this might be to prepare for 2027, evaluate what pieces are worth keeping, and become sellers at the trade deadline for expiring contracts. But things could get worse before they get better. Or maybe this is one of those horror movies where things just keep getting worse.

TRENDING UP

Makai Lemon: At least Makai Lemon had a good game! The rookie wide receiver was a force out of the slot for Tanner McKee, serving as a safety blanket for the Stanford Slingshot to convert third downs when he needed it. Lemon had 67 yards and caught his first career touchdown.

The Eagles Rushing Attack: The Eagles had their most rushing yards since Week 1 (which isn’t saying much, but hey, shout out to small victories). Saquon Barkley looked like the best player on the field when he wasn’t hobbling off it and the Cowboys defense made Dameon Pierce look like Walter Payton at times.

TRENDING DOWN

The Eagles Defensive Line: After rewarding Jordan Davis and Jalen Carter with record-setting contracts, the Eagles expected both players to continue to take the next step. Trading for edge rusher Jonathan Greenard was supposed to shore up the hole left by Jaelan Phillips. I said in this newsletter that Jalyx Hunt was slated for a big season. None of that has come to fruition. The Eagles defensive line can’t get pressure on the quarterback, they can’t stop the run, they are a complete nonfactor. Two weeks after taking over the game in London, Jalen Carter has turned back into Clark Kent. He plays like either a world-destroyer or the invisible man. Carter’s highs are high but he lacks any semblance of consistency and after leaving the locker room without talking to media, he seems to lack maturity which has been a concern for most of his career. Jordan Davis has failed to develop as a pass rusher. Jonathan Greenard cannot stay healthy and neither can Nolan Smith. After pouring so much money into this defensive line, the Eagles are failing to get any return whatsoever like buying a Porsche without wheels.
Riq Woolen: Riq Woolen is fried chicken. Pan-seared salmon. Microwave popcorn. This man got cooked over and over again by a Dallas passing attack that made a point of targeting him. Woolen is a gifted athlete and had some solid plays in this game. But too often he’s a liability in coverage, commits too many penalties, and has frequent communication breakdowns with other players in the secondary.
Cooper DeJean: What the hell happened to Cooper DeJean? DeJean has regressed big time this season, committing penalties, getting beat by receivers consistently, and being out of position to make a play. There’s always a natural regression when it comes to coverage, but seeing DeJean go from looking like one of the best slot corners in the league to whatever this is has been rough.
Tanner McKee’s Accuracy: Before halftime, the Eagles had a chance to score with 1:39 on the clock to take the lead and get the ball back after the break. Instead, they ran 15 seconds off the clock and went 3-and-out. A big reason for that was Tanner McKee missing open receivers, as he had been all night. One of the selling points of McKee was supposed to be his accuracy, but thus far he’s shown that there are multiple times per game where he can’t hit the broad side of a barn. I love Tanner, but any idea that he could be a starting quarterback in this league seems to be dead wrong.

Saquon Barkley Shouldn’t Have Played: Listen, I get that Barkley wanted to play. And when he was out there, Saquon looked incredible and provided an instant spark for this offense. But after every touch, Saquon would limp back to the sideline or the huddle. Not to mention that every single snap he was in the game, the offense gave him the ball. You would think that the Eagles medical staff would be more conservative after the public perception of Hurts’ situation. But they were not. They threw an unhealthy running back whose hamstring is falling apart so much that it impacted his back, into a game with a broken offense. It’s a long season, and an injured Saquon gets you nowhere.

The Eagles Might Only Win Two More Games: If you look at the Eagles’ schedule, things are looking pretty dark. Next week they play the Washington Commanders, a rival also in disarray and a game they could feasibly win. After that, I don’t see a winnable game for this team aside from facing future head coach/offensive coordinator Shane Steichen and the Colts in Week 14. It might get real dark out here.

THINGS ONLY I CARE ABOUT

Stephen A. Smith with Jerry Jones: I wrote last week that the Dallas Cowboys attract the worst people into their orbit. That’s one reason they simply and unequivocally suck. But imagine my jump scare when I saw none other than Stephen A. Smith sitting next to ~~Arkansas Bond Villain~~ Jerry Jones. First off, I don’t know if it’s normal for a media member to be prominently sitting next to the owner of a football team. Some would question journalistic integrity. But Stevie A. doesn’t have any of that and is not really a journalist, so it’s all good. It’s like the “Worst Dudes in Sports” Convention was being hosted in Jerry Jones’ suite. Stephen A’s commitment to being a villain is unmatched.

TRENDING UP

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THINGS ONLY I CARE ABOUT

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