It’s February 9th, 2025. I drunkenly stumble into my house after celebrating the Eagles’ dominant Super Bowl win over the Kansas City Chiefs. What a time, what a night. I wander into the kitchen and chug a glass of water to counteract all of the champagne I drank, on top of the swig of Jose Cuervo I was offered by some guy in a Kevin Curtis jersey on Broad Street. As I open my fridge, a bright blue light flashes out of nowhere, blinding me for a moment.
As I regain my vision, I see a pair of eyes staring back at me. They belong to me, but a slightly older, more exhausted version of me. He’s wearing my exact Kelly Green DeVonta Smith jersey. His eyes meet mine with a deep disappointment.
PAST JEREMY: Who are you?
FUTURE JEREMY: I’m you…but like 21 months from now in 2026. I’ve come back to deliver an important message.
PAST JEREMY: 21 months? That’s not really that long. Am I a millionaire 21 months from now?
FUTURE JEREMY: Um…no, not really.
PAST JEREMY: Okay, well did I move somewhere warm? Do I live in a dope new house?
FUTURE JEREMY: No, you pretty much live in the exact same place.
PAST JEREMY: Well, am I doing any exciting new things? Like boxing? Or did I buy a dirt bike?
FUTURE JEREMY: No, you write a Substack. Stop distracting me. I have something very important to tell you. In 21 months, Joe Milton will start at quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles against the New York Giants.
PAST JEREMY: Joe Milton? Like the guy from the Patriots?
FUTURE JEREMY: Well, technically, last year he played for the Cowboys…but yeah, that guy.
PAST JEREMY: What happened to Jalen?
FUTURE JEREMY: Blood clots.
PAST JEREMY: BLOOD CLOTS!
FUTURE JEREMY: Yeah, but he’ll be ok. He’s just like…out for the season.
PAST JEREMY: Well, how does Kellen Moore feel about that?
FUTURE JEREMY: He’s the head coach of the Saints now. Your offensive coordinator is Sean Mannion.
PAST JEREMY: The quarterback?
FUTURE JEREMY: Yep, that Sean Mannion.
PAST JEREMY: Okay, so Sean Mannion is coordinating an offense with DeVonta Smith, A.J. Brown, and Saquon Barkley? I mean, that can’t be so bad.
FUTURE JEREMY: Oof, you got one out of three right, kid. A.J. Brown is on the Patriots. DeVonta Smith is injured along with Dontayvion Wicks, who was playing well before he got hurt. Saquon is playing, but he’s also been injured. The team has a lot of injuries. Like, so many injuries. Zack Baun actually just got injured this game, and he was playing really well.
PAST JEREMY: Well, at least we’re winning games, right?
FUTURE JEREMY: Wrong again, sweet boy. We are 2-7, and our offense is one of the worst in the league. There are injuries ofcourse, but the team is struggling to adjust to Sean Mannion’s scheme because it’s kind of bad, and he’s doing this whole coordinating thing for the first time. Our offensive line can’t block anyone. The offensive line has more miscommunications than an episode of Real Housewives. Giants rookie linebacker Arvell Reese literally wreaked havoc on the whole offense today because they had no answer for him. He had 10 solo tackles, 3 tackles for loss, and 3 sacks. I mean, gahdamn. The protections are a mess, and our new offensive line coach is a guy who got fired by the Vikings last year. Joe Milton…
PAST JEREMY: Wait, we have a NEW offensive line coach?
FUTURE JEREMY: Yes, stop interrupting me. Joe Milton is more mobile than Tanner McKee and can throw the ball faster than a Subaru on I-95, but that doesn’t matter if they can’t block for him. Also, dude just joined the team like three weeks ago and isn’t super accurate. Not to mention the offensive line got him sacked 7 times today. But he can do a backflip, which is cool!
PAST JEREMY: Wait, what happened to Tanner McKee? He was really good as a backup.
FUTURE JEREMY: Not anymore, they broke him.
PAST JEREMY: Well, at least we probably beat Daniel Jones and the Giants right? We never lose to the Giants.
FUTURE JEREMY: Oof welp, their second-year quarterback Jaxson Dart is out for the season, so we played J.J. McCarthy and the Giants, who now are coached by John Harbaugh.
PAST JEREMY: Wait, the Vikings backup quarterback who looks like the lead character of a CW show?
FUTURE JEREMY: Yessir. And we lost. The Giants are leading the NFC East at 5-2-1 and we lost to them at home for the first time in 13 years, when J.J. was literally 10 years old and Chip Kelly was ruining our lives. We lead the league in 3-and-outs, and 6 of our 13 drives in this game ended in 3-and-outs. Philadelphia has been renamed “3-and-out City.”
PAST JEREMY: Damn… well, at least Saquon played well. He always plays well against the Giants.
FUTURE JEREMY: Oh I’m sorry, are you the one from the future? He actually only ran for 22 yards on 13 carries at 1.7 yards per carry. The Giants were allowing 4.8 yards per carry coming into this game, but they locked us down. Because, again, we are probably the worst offense in the league. They blitzed us a ton, and we couldn’t do much about it. We don’t really have an answer for when people blitz us.
PAST JEREMY: Damn! Well, is anything going right?
FUTURE JEREMY: Developing the technology for a time machine isn’t enough for you?
PAST JEREMY: I mean with the Eagles…
FUTURE JEREMY: The defense had their best game of the season. The pass rush has been struggling but had 6 sacks today, which was great. But still they couldn’t get off the field on key third downs. At one point, backup QB Jameis Winston came in when J.J. got hurt and he scored a touchdown on them. But still, they mostly did their job and bottled up the Giants rushing attack after struggling to stop anyone from running all season. Anyway, listen I have to go, LeBron and the Sixers are on a roll and I can’t miss this game.
PAST JEREMY: Wait, we have LeBron!?
TRENDING UP
Jonathan Greenard and the Eagles Pass Rush: So far this season, the Eagles pass rush has been like my dating history with Halle Berry, non-existent. Without a pass rush, the Eagles have been unable to get off the field on key third downs. But today, all of that changed. Jonathan Greenard finally lived up to his billing and was an absolute monster. Greenard was everywhere, getting pressure on J.J. McCarthy and leading the way on a disruptive day for the defensive line. Jonny G. logged his first sack of the season, which was an absolute bomb dropped on McCarthy. Greenard, Jordan Davis, Nolan Smith, and Jalen Carter all logged a sack today. Jalen Carter was also a menace today and is one sack away from tying his career high. The growth of the pass rush is a positive development in what’s been a rough season.
Quinyon Mitchell: Mitchell is the silent protector. He held Malik Nabers to 5 catches for 43 yards today after Nabers came into this matchup with 4 straight 100-yard games. Dude is the best in the business.
Jeremiah Trotter Jr. and Zack Baun: On a banner day for the defense, the linebackers stole the show. The son of the Ax Man came up big and had the best game of his career. Trotter Jr. led the team in tackles today with 11, including 3 tackles for loss. Zack Baun again proved why he’s one of the best defensive players in the league. Before leaving the game with an injury, the Bald Eagle rocked 3 tackles for loss and 2 sacks. The defense is really starting to turn a corner.
The Joe Milton Experience: Was it pretty? No. Was it effective? Also no. But Milton clearly has the physical tools to make this bad offense at least like 10% more fun. Shout out to Milton for handling a rough situation. He built some nice chemistry with Makai Lemon as Makai came away with 6 catches for 61 yards. I’m excited to see how he plays with DeVonta Smith and Dontayvion Wicks back.
Braden (Mothafuckin) Mann: The best play of the game was a sick 86-yard punt from Braden Mann that was the 2nd longest in Eagles history. Yes, we are at the point in the season where I’m stoked about a punt. Yes I’m ignoring the 20-yard punt Mann shanked later in this game.
TRENDING DOWN
Playing Quarterback for the Eagles: I’ll just leave this here, from The Athletic’s Brooks Kubena.
The Offensive Line: I honestly don’t think I’ve seen an Eagles offensive line this bad in my lifetime. Injuries and new bodies are one thing, but the frequent miscommunication on the line is another. Every game, we see free rushers attacking the quarterback, a lack of push in the running game, and small errors with big consequences. The players have preached that a lot of it comes down to execution and what they’re failing to do on the field. But I’d argue that if it’s Week 9 and your team is still struggling to communicate protections, that’s a coaching issue. They allowed 7 sacks today and 1.7 yards per carry for Saquon Barkley. Without a strong offensive line, any offense is collapsing from the inside out. And that’s what we’re seeing right now. I feel for offensive line coach Chris Kuper. It’s hard to replace the greatest offensive line coach in franchise history. But it’s also clear that Kuper is doing a subpar job getting these guys prepared to play on Sundays.
Sean Mannion: I have to admit that I’ve been hesitant to place a lot of the blame on Sean Mannion. I think it’s unfair to put a first-time coordinator in the position where he’s expected to be a world-beater without the necessary support system around him. The Eagles’ most experienced voice on the offensive side of the ball is Josh Grizzard, who was fired by the Buccaneers last season. They simply haven’t invested the resources in Mannion’s growth as a playcaller. But it’s clear that Mannion is over his skis. On the first play of the game, we saw a false start from Joe Milton on an under center run.
The Eagles continue working under center play action into their offense without anything building up to it or off of it. It’s easy to defend and not a place where your new quarterback is comfortable. Eventually, they let Milton live in shotgun where he’s comfortable, but it took too long to adjust. The offense feels flat and predictable. Like Mannion is trying to do a bunch of things that don’t quite make sense together. He doesn’t seem to have a feel for playing to the strengths of his personnel. I feel for him, the injuries have not helped him usher in the offense he truly wanted to. But the job of a coordinator is to adjust to the rigors of the NFL season. He just doesn’t have the juice right now.
HOT TAKES
The Eagles Might Not Win Another Game Until December: Circle December 13th on your calendar when the Eagles play the Indianapolis Colts at home. If the Birds are in free fall, the Colts have already gone through the ground like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon. The Eagles team is bad, but I think you use the rest of this season to evaluate your talent and your coaching staff for 2027. If your team shows fight, the offense improves with healthy bodies back after the bye, and you win a couple games maybe there’s a case for bringing people back in 2027 and claiming this lost year to injuries. If not, then you know it’s time to move on to a new era of Eagles football. The second part of the season is going to be really important for Nick Sirianni.
THINGS WE ALL ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT
Shout Out to Merrill Reese: The Eagles ruined Merrill Reese’s 50th season anniversary. Even with the loss, it’s truly an honor to have Reese as the official voice of the Philadelphia Eagles. I hear his voice behind all of my favorite Eagles memories. Truly one of the best guys in sports. Shout-out to a legend.
An excellent piece of sports writing if I ever did see one.
I think that this tops Mann's 86-yard punt as the best highlight: Shout-out to Merrill Reese: The Eagles ruined Merrill Reese’s 50th season anniversary. Even with the loss, it’s truly an honor to have Reese as the official voice of the Philadelphia Eagles. I hear his voice behind all of my favorite Eagles memories. Truly one of the best guys in sports. Shout-out to a legend.