Every so often you’ll go to a bachelor party that has that one guy. He’s usually the bachelor’s buddy from college or work that he hasn’t seen in a while. Your friend talks about how great this guy used to be, but he got married, had a couple of kids, and settled down since. But then the guy shows up at the bachelor party a little too rowdy for a cabin in the mountains, gets extremely drunk on tequila he brought for himself, says a bunch of weird things, and throws up on the rug of the Airbnb.
That friend is the Philadelphia Eagles. One week after a heroic last-minute win against the Tennessee Titans (you know, the kind of effort that shouldn’t be required against teams like the Tennessee Titans), the Birds drunkenly stumbled onto the national stage for Monday Night Football and passed out in the bathtub. The Eagles lose from time to time, but they rarely get blown out. In fact, the Eagles haven’t lost by over 20 points since the 2023 Wild Card round when they lost to the Bucs 32-9 and their defensive coordinator was Matt Patricia (a man with a pencil who never seems to do anything with it).
On a night when Bears third-string quarterback Case Keenum got the call to start, nothing went right for the Eagles. Unfortunately, and simultaneously, everything went right for the Bears. Case Keenum sought to exorcise his demons against Philadelphia after losing to the Birds in the 2017 NFC Championship Game during his miracle run in Minnesota. In what should’ve been an easier effort against a third-string quarterback who’s been in the league since I was in college (and I am not young), the Eagles folded like lawn chairs. They played like Rocky if Apollo Creed pulled his hammy, had his out-of-shape buddy who hasn’t fought in 10 years fight for him, and the buddy knocked out Rocky in the first round.
In this game, Case Keenum could not be stopped from the start. He played like he took that drug that Bradley Cooper did in the movie Limitless. I expected a Scooby-Doo mask pull in the postgame interview where Keenum revealed that he was actually Tom Brady. He immediately led the Bears down the field to score on a Luther Burden toss where Burden ran through the defense like he was Jerome Bettis.
Ben Johnson was in his bag, devising a game plan that used a heavy dose of play-action, misdirection, and a “good enough” run game to put the Eagles’ linebackers in conflict and open up space in the Birds’ secondary. Keenum was hitting crazy backfoot throws like he was Patrick Mahomes, including a beautiful 20-yard fadeaway pass with Jonathan Greenard in his face to Luther Burden (who, for this game, was prime Percy Harvin). Keenum used Chicago’s slew of wide receivers to make magic. The Eagles defense had moments where they would hold the Bears, but untimely penalties and missed tackles kept giving Chicago fresh opportunities.
On the other side of the ball, a disjointed Eagles offense found some juice in the run game. Saquon Barkley wound the clock back to 2024, averaging around 6 yards per carry in the first half and saw success on outside zone runs. Hurts, though inconsistent, had moments where he got going with the quick passing game. But what killed the Eagles throughout this game were awful turnovers.
On the Birds’ second drive, Tank Bigsby got the ball punched out of his arms after catching a swing pass from Hurts, giving Chicago possession in the redzone. The Eagles defense managed to keep the Bears from scoring, and the Eagles offense responded accordingly, using the outside zone run game and quick passing attack to work into scoring position. On a Jalen Hurts scramble, Bears linebacker D’Marco Jackson delivered an atrocious late hit on Hurts as he was running out of bounds. Jalen was forced to leave the game to get checked for a concussion and was replaced by Andy Dalton, who immediately delivered a disaster class. After Saquon Barkley got the Eagles 1st and Goal from the 2-yard line, the offense was stuffed on 1st and 2nd down run plays before Dalton threw an interception in the endzone.
Despite the shitshow, the Eagles were only down 10-7 entering the half. They finished the first half with a beautiful drive as Hurts took them down the field and snuck in for a touchdown with one second left on the clock.
And then the roof caved in. Philadelphia’s second-half allergy flared up. The offense stopped working like your buddy who refuses to get a job. The Birds went 3-and-out on their first THREE DRIVES of the second half. They couldn’t run the ball, couldn’t block, couldn’t pass, and no one could get open. It’s like Sean Mannion took a bathroom break and asked ChatGPT to call plays. On their last drive of the third quarter, Jalen Hurts threw an interception directly to former Eagles linebacker T.J. Edwards.
For the Bears, Keenum continued cosplaying the Human Torch. After scoring a field goal on their first drive of the second half, Keenum hit Kalif Raymond for a 41-yard touchdown pass on a busted coverage to build the Bears’ lead to 20-7. Following that T.J. Edwards turnover, the Bears iced this one early in the 4th quarter on a drive where they ate up clock, converted short yardage plays, or let the Eagles’ defense commit a penalty to pick up the first down, and ended up scoring a touchdown on a Case Keenum QB sneak, which was really just a 38-year old man falling forward uncontested. 27-7 Chicago.
The Eagles are 5-6 on Monday Night Football in the Sirianni era. Right now, they are not a hard team to beat. All you need to do is hang on for dear life in the first half and watch them absolutely collapse offensively in the second half while their defense eats up minutes and gets exhausted. The Bears had possession of the ball for 13 minutes longer than Philly. The Eagles committed 10 penalties for 61 yards. They were not tough, detailed, or together. They lack any defining qualities. An offense that is going through growing pains is faking it like a Shanahan/McVay offense until they make it. Jalen Hurts has high highs and baffling lows. Saquon Barkley has yet to put together a complete game. Cam Jurgens cannot play left guard for the life of him, and the line went from a strength to a wet paper towel. And Vic Fangio’s defense doesn’t generate enough pressure or turnovers to make up the difference.
With the Rams coming into town next week, this Eagles team has way more questions than answers and way more weaknesses than strengths. They are a long way from where they could be with no map to get there.
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DeVonta Smith: I can’t say enough about the Slim Reaper. When the ball gets to him, he’s as reliable as a seeing street race in a Fast and Furious movie. The only highlight the Eagles offense had in this game was a beautiful catch by Smith over the head of Bears cornerback Jaylon Johnson.
Quinyon Mitchell: Mitchell had some noteworthy pass breakups in this one. He continues to be the most (only) reliable piece of the Eagles defense on a week-to-week basis.
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Vic Fangio’s Game Plan: Ben Johnson’s Bears beat the Eagles last Black Friday by using a combination of misdirection, play-action, and a run game that converts on short downs to grind this defense down. The Bears beat the Eagles last night by using a combination of misdirection, play-action, and a run game that converts on short downs. Brian Flores gave away the recipe to stop this offense last week by frontloading the box with defenders, but Uncle Vic said, “I have my own recipe, thanks.” The Eagles defense was put in hell by the Bears’ misdirections, stretching them laterally and forcing them to guess. It would’ve been nice to see Vic break tendency on this one. Or for the Eagles defenders to make a tackle or two.
The Entire Offense: The worst part about the Eagles offense is that they’re not outright bad. They don’t have America’s Funniest Home Videos-style screw-ups like the Los Angeles Chargers. They are anemic. A slow and painful death. Their ineptitude slowly sinks in like severe dehydration. We knew with this many wholesale changes and a first-time offensive coordinator, there would be growing pains. But this is what they signed up for by bringing in a first-time coordinator, an offensive line coach who was fired for not doing more with less in Minnesota, and a first-time quarterbacks coach who’s been adjacent to dumpster fires in the past. The Eagles have some issues time and familiarity will fix. But they also have some rot at the foundation that time won’t heal. The offense has less rhythm than the dancefloor at a Noah Kahan concert. They don’t seem to do anything well.
Marcus Epps: This man cannot tackle. The Eagles safeties are more of a liability than I thought. The one thing the Eagles miss with Reed Blankenship is a sure tackler. They do not have that at the safety position right now.
Jalen Hurts: Jalen was inconsistent. He had some incredible moments, but it feels like he’s still getting comfortable with the offense while the offense is failing. It’s like interior decorating a house that’s falling into a sinkhole. He needs support from the line and the run game, while making quicker decisions when he can.
Makai Lemon Screen Plays: Blow this play off the face of the earth.
The Tight End Room: The Eagles tight end room is about as deep as a Ying Yang Twins song. Without Dallas Goedert, they’re relying on a newly signed late-30s Zach Ertz coming off a major injury, a practice squad TE in EJ Jenkins, and a guy whose defining quality is blocking in Johnny Mundt, to make some magic. This room is bad, and it’s limiting an offense that wants multiple TEs on the field.
Hot Takes
The Eagles Look Undisciplined: Nick Sirianni has been lauded for stressing the fundamentals. “Tough, Detailed, Together” is the mantra for this Eagles team. But in this game, the Eagles lacked all three. The defense was defined by missed tackles and penalties. The offense racked up penalties of their own and struggled to block or run the ball. A team that has long been defined by its strength in the trenches no longer excels on the offensive or defensive line. This is a team that looks sloppy and undisciplined. The Bears outplayed them last night, but the Eagles gave them every opportunity to do so.
The Defensive Line is a Problem: This season we expected to see a dominant Eagles defensive line with a newly extended Jordan Davis and Jalen Carter, Jalyx Hunt set to take the next step, Jonathan Greenard filling the shoes as the premier pass rusher, and strong depth pieces in Arnold Ebiketie and AJ Epenesa. Unfortunately, none of that has come to fruition. Fangio’s defense prefers not to send additional rushers as blitzers, putting stress on the line to get pressure. But the line is getting bullied by every offensive line they face. Case Keenum had all day to make the Eagles pay with no pressure in his face. Without pressure, this defense is falling apart from the inside out. And when they can’t stop the run when they need to the most.
Fix the Third Quarter: Hire a consultant or something. The Eagles’ struggles in the third quarter are sinking this team.
Things Only I Care About
Nick Sirianni Screaming at Bears linebacker D’Marco Jackson Over the Jalen Hurts Hit:












I think Dalton was done 2 years ago. But hey, the Bears didn't score 59 points...
I'm surprised Andrew Mukuba didn't get a mention by name. Awful play from the safeties all night.