Bears Beatdown Birds on Black Friday
Alliterative headlines, Philly's offense has the Itis, and D'Andre Swift and Kyle Monangai are going to the hall-of-fame
Postprandial somnolence is that all too familiar feeling that your body experiences after a big meal. Known colloquially as the Itis, it can result in feelings of sluggishness, fatigue, and a lack of focus. This is the identity of the 2025 Philadelphia Eagles offense.
Our two-day shipping overlords treated us to a battle from hell between the NFC’s #2 and #3 seeded teams. It was a game for us to enjoy while we cashed in on 30% off a karaoke machine we’ll only use maybe once in our lives. The 8-3 Chicago Bears came to South Philadelphia with something to prove and left with their pound of flesh. Ben Johnson’s Bears embarrassed the Eagles in the house that Nick Foles built, beating the #2 seed in the NFC 24-15. Unfortunately, your grandmother’s turkey wasn’t the only bird that was cooked this week.
Vic Fangio’s defense showcased its supernatural ability to turn both of Chicago’s running backs into Walter Payton. Chicago’s D’Andre Swift and Kyle Monangai both ran for over 100 yards, the first time the Bears have had two 100-yard rushers in one game since 1985 (which, for those counting at home, was the greatest Chicago Bears season of all-time). Chicago had 6 runs go for 10+ yards (the Eagles had 2 by comparison). The Eagles haven’t given up this many rushing yards in 10 years.
If an alien landed on Earth to cash in on some Black Friday deals and they stopped at a bar to watch the game before heading back to Zorpton, and a nice human explained to them the convoluted rules of football and the game’s cultural significance in America, they would think that D’Andre Swift and Kyle Monangai are the two greatest athletes on the planet. Here’s live footage of Chicago’s run game beating up Philadelphia’s defense:
Despite the Eagles’ defense taking a beating, Fangio’s unit eventually adjusted and gave Philadelphia’s offense every chance to come back in this one. Unfortunately, the offense had no interest in competing. After the Bears scored a field goal with 6:44 left in the second quarter, the Eagles’ defense held the Bears scoreless until 12:49 in the fourth quarter. During that time, the Eagles’ offense went
3-and-out
3-and-out
3-and-out
Interception
Touchdown
Fumble
Philadelphia’s offense was absolutely terrible. Jalen Hurts was Russell Wilson. He missed wide-open receivers, was slow to make decisions, and struggled against the blitz. Apparently, Jalen watched footage of Geno Smith this week and said, “Hey, maybe I’ll play like that.” Hurts’ superpower this year has been protecting the ball, but he met his kryptonite today against a Bears defense that leads the league in takeaways. Hurts threw an interception to ex-Eagles safety Kevin Byard and fumbled on a tush push after Bears cornerback Nahson Wright ripped the ball out of his hands.
The rushing attack is dead in the water. Saquon Barkley is a Lamborghini stuck in the mud that slips out from time to time, only to crash into a brick wall. After getting some early movement, the Eagles once again lost the plot and completely abandoned the run. Saquon ended with just 13 carries for 56 yards. Backup running back revelation Tank Bigsby didn’t receive a single carry.
If we’re circling the drain, we always come back to the same place. This offense is a mess. According to The Ringer’s Sheil Kapadia, the Eagles’ offense ranks 28th in success rate. They are producing a positive play at a lower rate than the Saints and the Jets. That is their worst offensive success rate in 20 years! Offensively, the are cosplaying as the Cleveland Browns.
After the Cowboys game, I said that when someone tells you who they are, believe them. The 2025 Philadelphia Eagles have told us time and again that they are not a championship team. Early in the season, Sirianni stressed that this team would leave its Super Bowl victory behind it and focus on a fresh season. They’ve done exactly that, abandoning the identity, attention to detail, and willingness to adapt that brought them a championship in the first place.
Their offensive coaching staff lacks answers or the ability to find them. Think about that. They do not know how to field an average offense with an All-Pro running back, two All-Pro caliber receivers, a top-5 tight end, and a reigning Super Bowl MVP at quarterback. Kevin Patullo has yet to prove that he’s a capable NFL offensive coordinator. But the whole offensive system is rotten to its core, and that extends to Nick Sirianni. The bottom has fallen out. They are stale, lack modernity in their offensive approach, and have no attention to detail, which breeds untimely penalties, incorrectly run routes, and miscommunications between players.
This is an extremely flawed team that can only win games when its defense is playing otherworldly. But eventually the dam breaks. Eventually, you need to put points on the board. Securing a first-round bye is close to a pipe dream. Home-field advantage in the playoffs has slipped out of their fingers. A resurrected Dallas team (which makes me nauseous) is nipping at their heels.
Philadelphia requires a large-scale offensive overhaul that, unfortunately, isn’t coming this season. What’s worse is that Sirianni has expressed that the Eagles aren’t changing playcallers, a decision that is taking the Eagles’ Super Bowl window and slamming it shut out of misguided pride. Jalen Hurts has regressed, the running game has regressed, and the offensive line has regressed. The playcalling is disjointed and remedial. There’s nothing good to say about this Eagles offense outside of A.J. Brown, the canary in the coal mine who told us this was coming.
The Eagles look cooked. The streets are saying it’s over. Repeating as Super Bowl champions was already going to be difficult, and now it feels unlikely. Our only hope is that Howie Roseman and Jeffrey Lurie can get a deal on a new Offensive Coordinator for Black Friday.
Let’s get to the game recap
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GAME RECAP
The Bears started off this game getting whatever they wanted in the running game. They had a left fist named D’Andre Swift and a right fist named Kyle Monangai and they took turns taking body shots to Vic Fangio’s defense.
On their first series, Chicago went for a 4th-and-1 run with Kyle Monangai but were stopped short by Philadelphia’s defense. On the Eagles’ first play of the game, Saquon Barkley ran for 5 yards, taking advantage of injuries to the Bears linebacker core and getting some movement on the ground. The drive stalled out after Hurts was flushed out of the pocket on a 3rd and 5. From the start of this one, Hurts looked out of sorts. He was missing open receivers and not seeing the field well at all.
On Chicago’s second drive, they kicked the run game into overdrive. Monangai ran for 17 yards to kick things off. Swift followed that up with a 23-yard run through the teeth of the Eagles’ defense. The Bears converted a 3rd and 2 after Monangai, who was stonewalled by the Eagles defense at first, kept churning to push his way past the first-down marker. The Bears finished off the drive with a D’Andre Swift touchdown run to make it 7-0. The Eagles allowed the most rushing yards in the first quarter since 2022.
In the second quarter, Hurts hit DeVonta Smith for 30 yards on 3rd and 3. But once again, the drive stalled after the Bears stuffed a Saquon Barkley run for -2 yards on 2nd and 6, followed by Hurts missing a wide-open DeVonta Smith on 3rd and 8. The Eagles settled for a Jake Elliot field goal to make it 7-3.
The Bears answered with a long drive of their own, led by their running back tandem. D’Andre Swift ran for 19 yards on a 1st and 10 before a jet sweep to Luther Burden went for 9 more yards. In the redzone, Caleb Williams missed an open Rome Odunze in the endzone and on the next play Jaelan Phillips tipped Williams’ pass on 3rd down to halt Chicago’s drive. Bears kicker Cairo Santos made a 30-yard attempt to extend Chicago’s lead to 10-3.
After another Eagles three-and-out, the Eagles defense tightened the clamps on Chicago’s offense. They held Caleb Wiliams and the Bears once again due to a big Nolan Smith sack. And on another Bears drive before halftime, Nakobe Dean and Reed Blankenship both missed opportunities to get interceptions. Going into the half, Chicago had 16 first downs compared to 2 by the Eagles. The Eagles defense, to that point, allowed their most rushing yards in 10 years and the offense officially failed to score a touchdown in their last 4 quarters of play.
On the Eagles second drive after halftime, Hurts was flushed out of the pocket and tried to hit A.J. Brown down the field but was intercepted by briefly-Eagles safety Kevin Byard. It was Jalen’s first interception in 156 passes. After holding the Bears offense again, the Eagles offense took the field. Hurts ran a QB counter for 23 yards to build some momentum before hitting A.J. Brown for a touchdown. Unfortunately, a Jake Elliot miss on the extra point made this one 10-9 instead of tying the game.
On Chicago’s next drive, Eagles edge rusher Jalyx Hunt intercepted Caleb Williams to get Philadelphia the ball back. The Eagles’ offense failed to do anything following the interception, as Jalen Hurts had the ball ripped out of his hands by Bears cornerback Nahson Wright on a tush push. Chicago running back Kyle Monangai then ripped off a run for 31 yards to make the most of the turnover. On a 4th and 5, Caleb Williams converts with a pass to Chicago rookie tight end Colston Loveland, who was left open after Reed Blankenship slipped. The Bears finished the drive with a Kyle Monangai touchdown run to extend their lead to 17-9.
After the Eagles’ offense stalled out again, Chicago went on an 8-play 63-yard drive that burned nearly 5 minutes off the clock. The drive ended in a 28-yard touchdown pass to tight end Cole Kmet to open up the Bears’ lead to 24-9. On Philly’s next possession, they finally started building momentum, but it was too little too late. Hurts hit A.J. Brown on a 13-yard pass before ripping back-to-back 12-yard passes to DeVonta Smith and Jahan Dotson. After two 17-yard passes to A.J. Brown, the Eagles finished the drive with a touchdown pass to A.J. Brown. 12 plays, 80 yards with 51 of those yards coming from A.J. Brown. The Eagles went for a two-point conversion but failed, making it 24-15 Chicago.
From there, the Eagles had one more chance to score before the end of the game but their offense stalled out and Jake Elliot missed a 52-yard field goal. Chicago ran out the clock and came away with the victory.
Trending Up
A.J. Brown: The only good thing you can say about the offense is “Arthur Juan Brown.” At times, A.J. singlehandedly generated offense for the Birds. He finished with 10 catches for 132 yards and 2 touchdowns, including one where he literally snatched the ball out of the air on a bad Hurts pass. In the last two weeks, A.J. has had 18 catches for 242 yards and 3 TDs. Maybe the key to performing well at work is airing your grievances on social media. A.J. is out there doing all he can.
Quinyon Mitchell: Quinyon continues to dominate. In this game, Mitchell allowed only 3 receptions on 7 targets for 14 yards. The second-year cornerback is truly elite, which we’re going to celebrate because we need something to celebrate, okay?
Jalyx Hunt: The rise of Big Pimpin’ continues. Hunt came away with an interception, his second of the season and tied for the most on the team. Jalyx continues to grow into his role, and it’s been exciting to watch him make splash plays this year.
Former Eagles Safeties: The Bears won the “Ex-Eagles Safety Revenge Game” as former Eagles Chauncey Gardner-Johnson and Kevin Byard came away with the last laugh. Lesson to the Birds, keep your friends close and your safeties closer.
Trending Down:
Jalen Hurts: Jalen Hurts struggled to take advantage of an average Chicago defense. Hurts had his second multi-turnover game of the season (the last was in Green Bay), and he looked out of sorts by missing wide-open receivers and struggling against the blitz. This is a quarterback who has completely regressed since dominating in the Super Bowl. Hurts looked skittish and overly conservative. Right now, he’s lacking the confidence and rhythm he has when he’s playing at his best.
The Eagles’ Run Defense: According to CBS Sports JP Acosta, the Bears’ 281 yards are the most given up by any Vic Fangio defense since 2018.
Running the Ball: This is Saquon Barkley’s second straight week with fewer than 20 carries. In all four Eagles losses, Saquon has run the ball less than 15 times. The Eagles are 7-0 when Saquon runs the ball more than 15 times. On top of abandoning the run (against a Chicago team that was missing their top linebackers, might I add), Tank Bigsby, who’s given this offense a little juice when he’s run the ball, had zero carries. This is a total, absolute mess for a team with the talent to carry the rock better than this
Nick Sirianni’s Benefit of the Doubt: The Super Bowl shine is already wearing off for Sirianni. The decision to make your passing game coordinator your new offensive coordinator when the passing game was the least inspiring part of your 2024 championship-winning offense was questionable at best. But in Week 13, when your team lacks any offensive identity, declining to make a change to the playcaller is malpractice. Sirianni is an excellent leader and culture-builder, I firmly believe that. The way he’s minimized drama and gotten a team of talented players to buy into his message is spectacular. But outside of that, what is he currently giving this team? He is not a strong offensive mind. His offensive beliefs, which he requires all of his coordinators to adhere to, are dated and inefficient. He works best when paired with strong offensive and defensive coordinators. Schematically, he can’t provide the answers. And now the attention to detail and communication his teams were known for is starting to slip. If I’m looking into my crystal ball, I think we’re facing an offseason where Lurie and Roseman force Sirianni’s hand to find a new offensive coordinator. Sirianni has not proven to be a great evaluator of coaching talent so it might be out of his hands. The pitchforks are starting to come out for Nick.
Hot Takes:
The Offense Needs Long-Term Change: Watching the Bears offense, much like Dallas’ last week, in contrast to the Eagles offense felt like the Prince and the Pauper. Both Chicago and Dallas took advantage of Philly’s defense by stretching them horizontally and using misdirection to put Philadelphia’s linebackers in conflict and to get a strong pass rush to shift away from the quarterback. The Eagles offense does none of these things. They don’t move the pocket for Hurts often and they don’t utilize a ton of motion or misdirection to keep the defense honest. They are static. Stationary. This has been Philadelphia’s offense under Nick Sirianni. But to take advantage of their offensive talent, they need a full-scale change. They need to bring in an experienced coordinator and let him transform their offensive approach to maximize Hurts, Barkley, and their pass catchers. A big change is required to build an offensive system that is adaptable and efficient.
There are Too Many Days of Football: Listen, I have a life. I have friends and family to talk to. Netflix shows to binge. This week, 4 out of 7 days will be committed to NFL football. That’s (pulls out calculator) 57% of the week! This is a controversial take from someone who has a football-focused newsletter, but do we have too many days of football? Somewhere, Roger Goodell is rubbing his hands together maniacally while planning Tuesday Night Football on Tubi where Jacksonville plays Cleveland in Shanghai.
Things Only I Care About:
Even Santa Claus couldn’t stay until the end of this Eagles game: Saint Nick had way too many High Lifes, and his patience waned. He joined the mob that headed for the exits early in the fourth quarter, turning their back on the Birds. Sources confirm that Nick Sirianni is getting coal this year.
Imagine hearing about that one super-popular high school classmate forever. My girlfriend went to high school with Ben Johnson at A.C. Reynolds in North Carolina. When I asked her what he was like, she simply responded, “nice guy, strong jaw.” Johnson was the belle of the ball in high school, which they made sure to mention on the Amazon Prime broadcast. At one point, my girlfriend said, “It’s like I can’t leave high school.” It’s one thing to see that random high school classmate when you're visiting your hometown, it’s another to see them on TV when you’re living in your new town.
Ben Johnson got so stoked in the Bears locker room that he took his shirt off. We all celebrate in different ways, for Ben that’s ripping the shirt off in excitement. I wonder if he does this in other areas of his life? Like when he found out he got the Bears job, did he rip his shirt off then? Or when he finds a parking spot right in front of the grocery store? Shirt rip. Birth of his first child? Off goes the shirt. Shirts are tools of celebration first and garments second if at all.
The “left fist” - “right fist” analogy of the Bears’ run game was magnificent. The agony of an underperforming Eagles offense is really described well. I can feel it.